Let’s get into mindset—not the fluffy, “just stay positive” mindset, but the one that keeps you grounded when life throws curveballs and curious when things get complicated.
Why? Because I've found that staying grounded keeps you from getting derailed, and staying curious helps you see every challenge as a new opportunity for growth and learning.
This combo creates an unstoppable mindset that’s ready for whatever comes your way. And with that said, here are some of my favorite, tried-and-true tools—ones that I turn to when life gets a little messy.
Journaling: My Secret Weapon for Clearing Out Mental Clutter
When my brain feels discombobulated, journaling is my go-to. Anytime I’m feeling off or there’s a question nagging at me, out comes the journal.
Doing a brain dump makes things instantly less overwhelming — seeing my thoughts on paper helps me make sense of them. Journaling has taught me so much about myself and has provided me with a safe space to share whatever's happening between my ears.
What’s the Brain Science? Writing things down taps into the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for decision-making and perspective-taking. When we journal, we’re inviting our logical brain to the conversation, giving it space to chime in and help sort through the emotional chaos. It’s a literal shift from “reactive” to “reflective” mode, which is why journaling feels so calming and clarifying.
Mindset Hack: Use Curiosity Prompts
The next time something’s nagging at you, write it down and follow it up with a curiosity prompt. Ask a question like, “What else do I need to know?” or “What’s another way to look at this?”
When we're curious, we give our brains permission to explore and open up to a new perspective, as well as to learning.
Third-Person Self-Talk: Talking to Myself Like a Friend
I totally talk to myself — and not just any self-talk. When negative thoughts pop up, I use third person talk, saying things like, “Pam, you know that thought isn’t true,” or “Pam, let’s see what we can learn from this.”
It sounds a little funny, but it’s powerful. This trick comes straight from Ethan Kross’s book Chatter, and it’s a fantastic way to create some space between myself and the negative thought, so I don't get enmeshed with it.
What’s the Brain Science? As I mentioned, talking to yourself in the third person gives you “psychological distance.” This distance activates your brain’s executive function and dampens the emotional reactivity, making it as though you’re viewing your situation from the outside. When you get some space from your thoughts, it’s much easier to see things clearly and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting.
Mindset Hack: Soft Label Your Thought
Here's another great way to take the charge out of the negative thought and create space between you and the thought - soft label it. For example, instead of following the thought down a dark, stinky rabbit hole, just say to yourself, "thought."
The “What’s My Next Thought?” Trick
Here’s a fun one from Deepak Chopra that’s perfect for hitting the “pause” button on negativity. When a thought overstays its welcome, I ask, Deepak's suggested question, “I wonder what my next thought will be?”
It sounds simple, but it stops the spiral by flipping my brain into curiosity mode. My mind is now busy looking for that “next thought,” and the old one disappears.
What’s the Brain Science? The brain can only focus on one thing at a time. When you give it the job of searching for a new thought, it lets go of the previous one naturally. This technique interrupts rumination and gives your brain something else to focus on.
Mindset Hack: Use It When You’re Caught in a Loop
Next time you’re stuck in a negative thought loop, or you find yourself ruminating give it a try: “I wonder what my next thought will be?” and see what happens. Don't let its simplicity fool - it's incredibly powerful.
Curiosity Over “Failure”: Understanding the Habenula’s Role
Ready for a fun brain fact? The habenula is a tiny part of your brain that loves to kill motivation when it senses “failure.” But here’s the good news: if you treat setbacks with curiosity instead of labeling them as “failures,” your habenula deactivates. Curiosity keeps you out of shut-down mode and helps you to switch into learning mode.
What’s the Brain Science? When the habenula detects a “failure,” it can signal a motivational shutdown to avoid further risk. But curiosity has the opposite effect — it keeps the brain engaged, active, and motivated by framing the experience as something worth exploring, not escaping.
Mindset Hack: Try a Curiosity Reframe
The next time something doesn’t go as planned, swap “What did I do wrong?” for “What can I learn from this?” or “What might I try next time?” It keeps your brain in growth and learning mode and helps you to keep going — even when things get a little messy.
Growth Over Comfort: Leaning Into the Stretch Zone
I love a cozy comfort zone as much as anyone, but here’s the truth: every time I’ve truly grown, it’s been in the “stretch” zone. And sure enough, every time I stretch myself, my brain chimes in with a few “Are you sure?” thoughts. But I’ve learned that’s just my brain’s way of keeping me safe — it doesn’t mean I’m actually in danger.
What’s the Brain Science? Your brain is wired to see “new” as potentially “dangerous,” triggering the fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn response even when there’s no real threat. But the more you venture into the unknown, the more you teach your brain that stretching is safe and manageable, eventually rewiring it to embrace growth as something positive.
Mindset Hack: Acknowledge the Doubts, and Go Anyway
Next time you’re feeling that stretch-zone doubt, try saying, “Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but I’m going to keep going. I've got this.” It keeps you in the driver's seat, honoring your brain’s caution without letting it call the shots.
Which Tool Are You Trying First?
So, there you have it: mindset isn’t about forcing yourself to be positive. It’s about using the right tools to keep moving forward. Which of these resonates with you?
Give one a try, see how it feels, and remember: you absolutely have what it takes to create an unstoppable mindset.
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